End of an Era

So today I moved out of my house in London, and tomorrow I depart for 2 months abroad, before returning to Liverpool, the town I was born and grew up in, after nearly 10 years away.


I move out of a house in London where I've lived for nearly 3 years. Where I've spent the majority of time at medical school. I definitely had a little weep as I looked round my bedroom for the last time, and as I left the front door.

Goodbye No 83

I think it would be harder to find a more "End of An Era," situation if I tried. Finishing 4 years of university, at medical school, qualifying as a doctor, moving out of a house I've lived in for 3 years, out of a town I've lived in for 5, having a relationship finish, moving to a different city, starting a new and quite frankly terrifying new job, meeting hundreds of new people.


Bittersweet. It's time to leave, I know. And yet it will be so hard. There are just the most incredible people here that I'm not going to be seeing on a regular basis anymore. The sense of community we have. But I know that the next door is opening and that exciting (and exhausting) times are ahead. I've dug out something I wrote on my last night in the house in Liverpool I grew up in, written in 2011. The whole thing is posted below, but this paragraph really hit home:


"But then I remind myself that a massively new part of my life is literally just beginning and I am right on the very cusp of it. Tomorrow and next week I will be meeting a hell of a lot of new people, and who knows who is going to be in it! (Love of my life? We'll see...)" 


Right on the very beginning cusp. And now I'm right on the very final edge. (Where the fuck did 3 and a half years go?!) Goodbye Barts. You were fucking fabulous.

*****

Tomorrow I move down to London. Tonight is my last ever night in this house, because my mum is due to move out in about 2 weeks, and so I will never return here. I've lived here since I was 7, and it's always been "home." No longer.

Yes, I moved out at 18 to go to university, but the terms were only 8 weeks long, and so I probably spent more time at home than away. It wasn't until 2009 that I properly left for London, and even then I returned after a year.

But now, when I leave tomorrow, it really will be for the last time. Tonight will be the last time I sit in my living room and watch TV, eat in my kitchen, sleep in my room. It really is the end of a chapter and I am in parts incredibly sad. But then I remind myself that a massively new part of my life is literally just beginning and I am right on the very cusp of it. Tomorrow and next week I will be meeting a hell of a lot of new people, and who knows who is going to be in it! (Love of my life? We'll see...) 


But. Back to my house. I have some amazing memories that took place here, and I'll never be able to drive or walk past without stopping and looking and remembering. I lost my virginity here. Not the best memory in the world, admittedly. I had my amazing 21st Birthday Party here. All of my previously happy Christmases. I found out I got into medical school sat at my desk. I had incredible house parties. I've had countless people to stay after nights out. I've had horrific arguments with my mother, and watched horrific arguments between my parents.

In short, I've grown up here. And now, it's time to leave.

Masquerade Flesh Mask

I love facepaint. It doesn't really matter what you wear but if you've spent some time creating a masterpiece on your face it can create a costume all by itself. Last Halloween was the first time I went one step further and created a prosthetic for my face. A prosthetic is a way of creating a layer of fake skin, which can make wounds look particularly realistic. I used some different techniques to create this costume: a Masquerade ball mask, made out of "my own skin."

The end of the night, so some of the blood has come off, and why I look a little tipsy..

Now, I didn't come up with the idea, I followed this tutorial by a fantastic lady called Bonnie Corban, whose Youtube channel has got loads of great original makeup tutorials and I highly recommend. 

As you can see, it's a masquerade mask, but the idea is that I've carved my own skin off my face to make it. The key to this costume is liquid latex, which is this fab stuff that is (my) skin coloured liquid plastic which dries to solid. I bought mine from Kryolan. The mask was simply a piece of cardboard, cut out to shape. The tutorial then used wax to build up layers before covering with the liquid latex, but I left this step out and just used layers of tissue. It's a bit like papier mache, in that you rip up strips of tissue and paint them onto the cardboard with the latex, which then dries hard. It took about 3-4 layers to get a satisfactory look. 

I then painted on the eyebrows, and went around the edges of the mask with Ben Nye fake blood (in Dark Blood). It's hard to see in the photo but I then stuck into the prosthetic little bunches of staples, with which to "re-attach" the skin mask. Then all it needed was a holder - I used an old wand from a fairy costume and stuck it to the side, I liked the feather and ribbon on it. 

Now the fun part - my face! 

The first step was my eye makeup - I just did my standard "going out" eye, eyeshadow, mascara and eyeliner. Next step is the latex prosthetic. This is the flap of skin around the edge of the blood. I tore thin strips of tissue paper up (about 2 cm wide), and stuck them to my face in layers with the latex, in the shape of the mask (after drawing it on in eyeliner as a guide, using the cardboard mask I had made to make sure it matched). Once it has dried, you have to very carefully rip it upon halfway through with a pair of scissors, all the way around the outline. I did manage to scratch myself ever so slightly doing this. That way it creates a "flap" of skin. The inner half is coloured over with by the blood.

I then used Snazzaroo facepaint in maroon and dark red as a base layer, blending them together to create different shades in different places. Following this I used my Ben Nye in Dark Blood and in Stage Blood (both absolutely AMAZING professional stage fake bloods) over the top. I used a cotton bud to apply it, this meant that bits of cotton got stuck to my face as well, which created the texture to make it look really fleshlike and gory, and not just like I had paint on my face. I also used small bits of rolled up tissue coated in fake blood and paint and pushed them up under the prosthetic to push it out and elevate it, to make it look more realistic. 

I used a sponge to apply the fake blood around the edges of the prosthetic, and then again using the cotton buds applied large blobs of blood to the bottom of the mask which then rolled down my face. The Ben Nye stuff is great in that it stays looking wet, and the dribbles of blood really look like they've just run down my face. 

To finish the costume I just stuck on a black tie dress, a necklace and some earrings! I loved this costume and I got a lot of compliments for it, as well as a lot of people being grossed out by it! I really want to do more with latex and prosthetics so will definitely be experimenting more with this next Halloween!

Final day Insecurities

Today was my last day of placement at medical school. I.e. pretty much The End. All that's left now is final exams (starting next week), then I'm essentially free until August. That's it done. Finito. 4 years (well 3 and a half I guess) gone in a blink.

{I found out yesterday where my junior doctor job will be as well: I'm leaving London and returning (home) to Liverpool, so I'm truly coming to the end of an era here, (But that's another blog post!)}


Once I pass my exams it means technically I'm a doctor. Which I've always thought a bit weird, but I guess is like birthdays, or New Year's Eve. One second you're one thing, one age, it's one year, the next second you're something different. Yesterday you weren't a doctor, today you are.

But it's not that really, you change into the semblance of one over the course of 4, 5, 6 years. So gradually you don't even notice it. It's impossible to put your finger on, to exactly pinpoint a time when you changed or suddenly got a lot better at examining a patient, or taking a history from someone.


But despite all the prep, all the years hanging out in hospitals, revising, working, - I'm still pretty terrified about starting. Like, nothing really prepares you. I just hope that I'm not one of those F1s (junior doctors) that hates their lives and are genuinely miserable, and I feel like there are a lot of them about, and have heard some absolute horror stories. There are a fair few people in my year who are already disillusioned with medicine before even starting. Some others are getting excited about getting a wage and being paid (yes, agreed will be good), but I'm pretty sure the novelty will wear off rapidly, when you're so exhausted from your 6th night shift in a row that you don't even have the time to spend any money because all you want to do is sleep with any minuscule free time that you might have, on top of dealing with all the nightmarish bureaucracy that working for the NHS entails, and being so busy that you don't have time to pee, let alone eat anything!



I guess I should try and forget all of this right now, and just look forward to the next 4 months which will genuinely be freaking amazing, but there, in the back of my mind is a not unsubstantial insecurity that after 4 years of preparation (and god knows how many thousands of pounds) that I'm just not going to like my job very much. Hopefully I'll be proved wrong.

Down The Rabbit Hole

Now normally, I'm very against those "slutty" costumes that you just buy off amazon, especially when said costume is in no way meant to be sexy, (you know "sexy ladybird," "sexy pirate,""sexy pizza slice,"etc.) but sometimes I go "Fuck it, let's be a slutty Alice in Wonderland." (it's the socks, it's all about the socks.)

Had a black tie do on Friday (which was Alice in Wonderland themed, I don't just wear random fancy dress) so dug out the old Alice costume, originally bought for a house warming back in 2010. Complete with fucking AWESOME wig, which unfortunately is now looking rather sad, so didn't get an outing. Have done a "scary" version for Halloween couple of times as well. Enjoy....

2015. 

2010 housewarming

Adding blood to make it "Halloween" 2011. Looking back I hate past me, would never stand for this kind of fancy dress faux pas now. 

Halloween 2012. Better.